American Psycho – Guest Post
There was this time I went on a third date in the middle of the woods…in the dark. It was a reasonable invitation as we both have dogs and like to get outdoors. It was a full moon that night and the plan was to sip wine and have a little campfire just outside the city. Romantic, right?
Also could be considered the makings for a horror movie and not to mention he was just a little too American Psycho good looking if you know what I’m saying. So I made sure I told at least three people where I was going that night and I definitely sent them a link with a Google map to where I planned to park my car.
“In case you need to find my body, this’ll be a good place to start.”
When I arrived for our date, I saw his big white German Shepherd before I noticed his tall dark figure walking towards me. We greeted each other nervously and I proceeded to pull out all of my gear (flashlight, blanket for the dog, pepper spray, camping chair.) Like a gentleman he offered to help carry some of my stuff, as I handed it over he said with a grin:
“I keep the lime and shovel just around the corner.”
I’m happy to report that he did not kill me that night. It was actually more romantic than Blair Witch Project. If you’re going to be meeting someone in the woods make sure to take the same safety precautions I did. I took a risk there. Better yet, if you’re meeting in the woods, do it in the daytime. If it’s a first date, meet them in public. Seriously. I usually have a friend call me at some point to check in. This is for safety’s sake but also in case the date is going really badly.
“Something bad happened!? Oh no! I have to go. So sorry! Yeah, I’ll call you.”
I know that is so transparent but who cares? You’re never going to see them again.