When last I was single I went out on a lot of dates. In about a six week period I went out on 25+ dates. At first it was fun and then it got a little monotonous. Thankfully when I was just about ready to take a break, I met the man I am now married to. But for those of you that don’t find your match right away, it’s important to know when to take a dating break.
When you first get out there and date it’s all new and exciting. You get to decide what wear, you get to check out new hotspots and meet new people. Dating give you the opportunity to meet someone new, share a little bit about your lives and see if there’s a spark. But if you date for a long time or date a lot of people in a short amount of time, it starts to feel a little like a dating treadmill. You feel like you’re repeating yourself, dates start to run together and it definitely loses some of its shine. If dating is no longer fun and feels like a chore, it’s a good time to step back for a bit and assess your progress.
Here are some signs that you should step away from dating:
You’re filled with dread when you get an email from a potential date or view on your profile
Dating should be fun. If checking your email or logging into your profile is making you anxious, you’re not going to be bringing your best to dates. Pay attention to your gut reaction to dating and heed it. Don’t push yourself into dating to get it crossed off your list or because you’re afraid to be alone. Do it because you enjoy the experience.
Your dates all run together
If you date a lot, it can become really hard to keep everybody straight. Especially if they don’t stand out. It’s important to note that if you’re dating a lot of people and none of them stand out ,odds are your dating the wrong ones. It’s great to be open to dating different types of people, maybe even those you don’t even consider to be your type. Experience is good and it helps you fine-tune what you’re looking for. But at some point you need to step back and determine what is and isn’t working with your dating goals and find out why the right the stand-out candidates are making an appearance.
You’re more interested in where you’re going then who you’re going with
If the most exciting part about dating has become where you get to go, you’re missing the point. The location of your date should merely be the backdrop to a great exchange with someone. The goal is not a meal, drink or awesome latte, it’s to actually connect with someone.
If you experience any of these things, you’ve definitely hit a dating wall and it’s time to take a little breather. This isn’t to say you’re not going to get back into dating at some point, but it’s a good time to recharge your batteries and revisit your dating goals.
Here some things to do while you’re taking a dating break:
Have some quality “Me” time
The very first thing you should do when you step off the dating treadmill is to be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up because you haven’t met Mr. or Mrs. Right yet. Pat yourself on the back for getting out there and being open to meeting new people. That is no small feat. Next, get back into doing things that nurture your very being and are totally focused on you. This will build up your confidence and energy reserves.
Review your dating roster
During your time off, really think about the dates you went on. What did you like? What didn’t you like? Did you see patterns in the types of people you dated? What was missing? What would you like more of? There are a whole lot of things to consider about the dates you went on, so get out a notebook and jot down what you’ve learned about yourself and dating. Doing this helps you understand the value in dating even with those people weren’t a match. None of it is a waste of time and all of it can help you fine tune what you’re looking for.
Think about what your next steps are going to be
Once you’ve reviewed your dating past, you need to gear up and think about what you want next. Did you see any gaps or places where you can improve your dating strategies? If so there are tons of books to read, videos to watch and ideas to consider to help you with that. You’ll find that if you give some real thought to dating instead of approaching it blindly, you’re going to have a much more successful dating future.
Dating is a great way to learn more about yourself and what you want. But it’s easy to get trapped in the cycle of dating and have it go nowhere. Don’t let yourself get so burned out that you lose hope. It’s simple, dating should be enjoyable. When it’s not, stop and gather the energy and tools that will make it fun and ultimately successful.
Cija Black is a love expert, author, blogger, online educator and host of the “Love Bombs” podcast. For more information about Cija, the books, class or podcast, visit modernloveguide.com